The Man of Many Jerseys

I have fielded numerous questions (Mom and Dad) as to whether Todd actually owned a Tony Delk jersey. The answer is sort of. The jersey that Todd owned was actually worse than a Tony Delk jersey. It was a #00 Phoenix Suns jersey, that said "Your Name." I know, I know, I didn't think they existed either. However, teams used to release #00 "Your Name" jerseys when they would introduce new uniforms. Surprisingly, nobody bought these jerseys, except for mothers buying souvenir gifts for their sons. This is the jersey that Todd's biological mother (joke credit: Todd) bought for him while visiting Phoenix for a "Sons with Beards under the age of 12" conference.
Please note: Todd actually wore this jersey.

The plethora of Tony Delk jersey questions got me to thinking about Todd's other jersey selections through the years. Here are a handful of Todd-owned jerseys and my analysis of each:

Kerry Collins | Carolina Panthers

You can't make this stuff up.

Analysis: My first emotion was sadness when I saw this jersey. Kerry Collins embodies everything that I don't like in an "athlete." He is an over-achieving, white, immobile, bad sideburned quarterback. Others that fall into this category would be Chris Weinke, Trent Dilfer, Vinny Testaverde, Scott White and Brian Griese. Kerry Collins is their poster boy though and Todd wore this jersey in an awkwardly proud way. To this day, I cringe when I see Kerry Collins play and think back to Todd confidently walking the middle school halls giving high fives to teachers and giving the double shooter to administrators with that gross jersey on.

Lou Roe | UMass Minutemen

Who Roe?

Analysis: I literally couldn't find a Lou Roe jersey on google. I thought that was impossible. This jersey doesn't make me mad or sad, but more tired and bored. Whenever Todd would wear this jersey I would just want to take a nap. The heralded Lou Roe went on to average 2.0 points per game in the NBA (I can hear Tony Delk laughing somewhere) and played a total of 66 NBA games. To put it simply, nobody should have ever bought his jersey. Others that fall into this category are Lawrence Moten (Syracuse), Cookie Belcher (Nebraska), Cameron Dollar (UCLA), Darvin Ham (Texas Tech) and Brandon Woodhouse (Chicago).
Please note: This was Todd's decision to buy this jersey, not his biological mothers.

Brian Urlacher | Chicago Bears

Analysis: This is probably the most respectable jersey that Todd owned (until he sold it to Zack Walter for $20). However, a person over the height of 6 foot is not supposed to own/wear a Brian Urlacher jersey. It is an unwritten rule within the jersey community. This may seem odd since Brian Urlacher himself is 6 foot 4, but the rule remains. This isn't just for Brian Urlacher, but for all NFL linebackers. Others that fall into this category are Zach Thomas, Junior Seau, Ray Lewis (sort of) and Teddy Bruschi.

Mateen Cleaves | Michigan State Spartans

Todd's only dance move (not including weddings)

Analysis: One of my least favorite college basketball players of all time. I have always felt this way, but my hatred grew after seeing him do the jog-dance after winning the national championship (picture above) on a sprained ankle. Todd embraced Mateen Cleaves, his jersey and his stupid dance. I couldn't find the exact dance, but here is the closest I could find: Basically Mateen Cleaves Dancing. Other jerseys that would fit into this category would be: Kahlid El-Amin, Jason Gardner and Trajan Langdon.


My own worst jersey purchase:

Analysis: No words. I think I still owe my parents $60 for this minor league hockey "must have." This may be worse than any of Todd's jerseys. Just kidding, Kerry Collins.

Jerseys that Todd, surprisingly did not have:
Detlef Schrempf (credit to Jake Vanderk......)
Gary Gaetti
Rex Chapman
Darius Rucker

As always, below is Todd's information for jersey sales and/or pranks.

Here is Todd's contact information:
Address: 5930 Franklin St, Lincoln, NE, 68506
Cell Phone: 402.450.4828
Work Phone: 402.434.6906
Email Address: Togden@downtownlincoln.org

- xoxo Todd Blogden