Sh*t Todd Would Never Say

Faithful Todd Blogden Followers,
I apologize for the nearly two year gap in Blogden postings. The gap was not for lack of material to blog about, but I have been focusing on my campaign to change the name of the Downtown Lincoln Association (DLA) to the Lincoln Downtown Association (LDA). A lot has happened since April Fools of 2011. Todd got married, Todd is now a father (shotgun?) and Todd used the "word" shan't on live TV. I have decided to ease back into Todd Blogden with the non-creative but simple posting of sh*t that Todd would never say. Enjoy.

Sh*t Todd Would Never Say

+ I am just not that passionate about Lincoln Downtown.

+ Taco Inn doesn't sound very good right now.

+ I will not do that, Shawna!

+ Today's not really a sweatpants kind of day.

+ I think I'm gonna clean my downstairs bathroom.

+ March Madness isn't that exciting and I especially don't like the "One Shining Moment" tribute.

+ I should purchase a normal jersey!

+ Tom Hanks isn't that good of an actor.

+ Do you want to play golf today, Eric?

+ I'm not really a "wedding" kind of guy.

+ I can't go to the movie theater tonight because I'm going to the bars.

+ Fox News is balanced.

+ I decided not to wear a Polo and a Suit Jacket for today's segment on a local news station.

+ Can I have another beer?

+ DoubleTree is far superior to Embassy Suites.

+ Stats aren't interesting.

+ Did I miss the Oscars this year?
 
+ A shower sounds good right about now.

_____________________________________________________________

As always here is Todd's information. Please keep in mind that April Fools Day is less than a month away. Email or post Todd prank suggestions.

Here is Todd's contact information:
Address: 5930 Franklin St, Lincoln, NE, 68506
Cell Phone: 402.450.4828
Work Phone: 402.434.6906
Email Address: Togden@downtownlincoln.org

Todd Picture of the Month:

Groomzilla.

The Worst April Fools Day Ever

Please prank Todd Blogden with your best joke:
Cell Phone: 402.450.4828
Work Phone: 402.434.6906
Email Address: Togden@downtownlincoln.org

Facebook Friend Request: Todd Ogden

April 1, 2010 was slated to be the best day of my life and it ended up being one of the worst. My frienemy, Todd Blogden, has long held my April Fool's Day affection and 2010 was no exception. I had reached out to all of my Facebook friends (Disclaimer: 15 people) and asked if they would all prank his work phone number. 

In my mind the prank was going smashingly. I called Blogden at 5 PM, thinking I would be the last and final prank/cherry on top. When I dialed 402-434-6906, I got the disconnected signal. I thought this was a good sign and that Blogden had received so many calls that he had to disconnect his phone. It turns out that all phones in downtown Lincoln were out of service (suit still pending against Windstream). 

Really Windstream?

Todd had deflected my April Fools Joke without even knowing it. I still have nightmares about April 1, 2010. Please help me get Todd back this year with your best prank phone call and forward to your friends.

Please prank Todd Blogden with your best joke:
Cell Phone: 402.450.4828
Work Phone: 402.434.6906
Email Address: Togden@downtownlincoln.org

Facebook Friend Request: Todd Ogden

Todd Picture of the Month:

Game face, suspenders and the half-rock-on-symbol in his left hand.

Top 4 Todd Prank Ideas:

1) One of your favorite athletes died (i.e. Mike Rucker)

2) "I work for (Insert your favorite city) Downtown Association and wanted to share some ideas."

3) Is your refrigerator running?

4) Are you the Heath Bell fan club president?

...One more time for safe measure:
Cell Phone: 402.450.4828
Work Phone: 402.434.6906
Email Address: Togden@downtownlincoln.org

Facebook Friend Request: Todd Ogden

What's under those jeans?

Basketball shorts.

Todd has a good job. Todd has employees. Todd is about to get married.

Despite all of this, I cannot take him seriously because he still wears basketball shorts under his jeans. Anytime he calls or emails me (which is always less than I would prefer), I just wonder to myself is he wearing the Red starter shorts or the Blue Target brand shorts under his jeans.

Blue shorts under jeans, at work.

I feel bad for his interns (pictured above). They see their high-reaching boss and look on with envy. If only their eyes had ventured further south, they would realize that he is their inferior. No boss should wear basketball shorts under their jeans. When pushed about the jeans-under-shorts look, Ogden replied "always be ready for a game of basketball." I sort of respect that answer, but I don't believe it.

Other notable shorts-under-jeans-wearers:

1) Tommy - 2nd grade class president
2) Jackson - 3rd grade bully
3) Matt Howard - Butler basketball player
4) Mitchell Gerrard - Fake Musician

Todd Picture of the Month:

LMBO.

As always here is Todd's information. Please keep in mind that April Fools Day is next Friday. Email or post Todd prank suggestions.

Here is Todd's contact information:
Address: 5930 Franklin St, Lincoln, NE, 68506
Cell Phone: 402.450.4828
Work Phone: 402.434.6906
Email Address: Togden@downtownlincoln.org

Blogden Goes Big Time

At a time when the Blogden was at its lowest point (0 postings in over 2 months), it has achieved the most significant accomplishment to date-- being mentioned in a real news article.

Bowl Cut + Suit = "Strictly Business"

Star City Six Profile on Todd Ogden
http://www.strictlybusinessomaha.com/lincoln-profile.aspx?467

I am both happy and sad about this recent publication. Strictly Business has brought this blog to it's highest point and has brought great notoriety to Todd Ogden (the object of the Blogden). However, I can't help but wonder if the profile on Todd was a feeble attempt at trying to end the Blogden, once and for all.

I'm sure most, if not all of you, have already read the #1 Strictly Business publication in Lincoln, but just in case, here are a few excerpts:

"How would your friends describe you? - According to one of my good friends, Eric Gerrard, who keeps a blog about me titled Todd Blogden: “I am a funny, quirky and all around good guy with a few regrettable incidents.”  I don’t really know how to decipher that."


"What is your greatest talent that you don’t utilize in your daily work life? - I have extremely long arms and our office has very few tall shelves."


"What is the most unique or interesting thing about you that most people probably don’t know? - That I also go by the name of Stat Boy. If you want to know things like who won the 1963 NCAA Basketball Tournament and who our 17th president was, just ask."


Just ask? Really? Blogden getting cocky about something he looks up on his smart phone.

In closing, I'm proud of Todd and the fact that he was chosen to be apart of the January Star City Six. His five counterparts on the panel haled in comparison (only one other person wearing a suit and he didn't even have a bowl cut) and he represented the blog well.  This has also made me realize that I need to pick my blog game up in the new year because Strictly Business is going for the jugular.

As always here is Todd's information for further interviews and pranks. Happy New Year!

Here is Todd's contact information:
Address: 5930 Franklin St, Lincoln, NE, 68506
Cell Phone: 402.450.4828
Work Phone: 402.434.6906
Email Address: Togden@downtownlincoln.org

Top 5 Tuesdays with Todd: Vacations

Top 5 Tuesdays with Todd is a simple concept (stolen from the number 1 Ugandan Blogden reader, Jon Bull). I ask Todd for his Top 5 _______, he sends me his top 5 in the random category and I provide Blogdenalysis.


1) Kansas City, Missouri (seriously)

Breath taking Kansas City.

Analysis: This should be a vacation spot out of convenience-sake, not out of choice. It does seem like a good place to raise a family, that usually translates into a bad place to vacation.


2) Boston/Amhert: UMass

Tourist mecca, Amherst.

Analysis: Boston is cool. Amherst seems alright. UMass is the worst. Have a fun honeymoon, Shawna.


3) Breckenridge, Colorado

Todd kicking snow in my face.

Analysis: I've been skiing here with Todd. He's in his element here. He speeds by the ski patrol laughing, he throws his poles at little children off of the ski lift, and he abandons a friend in need on the last run of the night just to keep his self appointed nickname "Need for Speed" Ogden.


4) Sedona, Arizona

Todd's Fav activity in Sedona.

Analysis: I have never been here, but have heard good things. However, I have never been able to imagine Todd in Sedona.


5) Hawaii

It's no KC...

Analysis: Todd intentionally placed Hawaii last on his list to irritate me. It worked.

Please submit other Top 5 Tuesdays with Todd ideas.

Update from The Man of Many Jerseys:
Todd reads the blog!!!! See picture below.

Player name.

As always, below is Todd's information for vacation recommendations and/or pranks.

Here is Todd's contact information:
Address: 5930 Franklin St, Lincoln, NE, 68506
Cell Phone: 402.450.4828
Work Phone: 402.434.6906
Email Address: Togden@downtownlincoln.org

- xoxo Todd Blogden

The Man of Many Jerseys

I have fielded numerous questions (Mom and Dad) as to whether Todd actually owned a Tony Delk jersey. The answer is sort of. The jersey that Todd owned was actually worse than a Tony Delk jersey. It was a #00 Phoenix Suns jersey, that said "Your Name." I know, I know, I didn't think they existed either. However, teams used to release #00 "Your Name" jerseys when they would introduce new uniforms. Surprisingly, nobody bought these jerseys, except for mothers buying souvenir gifts for their sons. This is the jersey that Todd's biological mother (joke credit: Todd) bought for him while visiting Phoenix for a "Sons with Beards under the age of 12" conference.
Please note: Todd actually wore this jersey.

The plethora of Tony Delk jersey questions got me to thinking about Todd's other jersey selections through the years. Here are a handful of Todd-owned jerseys and my analysis of each:

Kerry Collins | Carolina Panthers

You can't make this stuff up.

Analysis: My first emotion was sadness when I saw this jersey. Kerry Collins embodies everything that I don't like in an "athlete." He is an over-achieving, white, immobile, bad sideburned quarterback. Others that fall into this category would be Chris Weinke, Trent Dilfer, Vinny Testaverde, Scott White and Brian Griese. Kerry Collins is their poster boy though and Todd wore this jersey in an awkwardly proud way. To this day, I cringe when I see Kerry Collins play and think back to Todd confidently walking the middle school halls giving high fives to teachers and giving the double shooter to administrators with that gross jersey on.

Lou Roe | UMass Minutemen

Who Roe?

Analysis: I literally couldn't find a Lou Roe jersey on google. I thought that was impossible. This jersey doesn't make me mad or sad, but more tired and bored. Whenever Todd would wear this jersey I would just want to take a nap. The heralded Lou Roe went on to average 2.0 points per game in the NBA (I can hear Tony Delk laughing somewhere) and played a total of 66 NBA games. To put it simply, nobody should have ever bought his jersey. Others that fall into this category are Lawrence Moten (Syracuse), Cookie Belcher (Nebraska), Cameron Dollar (UCLA), Darvin Ham (Texas Tech) and Brandon Woodhouse (Chicago).
Please note: This was Todd's decision to buy this jersey, not his biological mothers.

Brian Urlacher | Chicago Bears

Analysis: This is probably the most respectable jersey that Todd owned (until he sold it to Zack Walter for $20). However, a person over the height of 6 foot is not supposed to own/wear a Brian Urlacher jersey. It is an unwritten rule within the jersey community. This may seem odd since Brian Urlacher himself is 6 foot 4, but the rule remains. This isn't just for Brian Urlacher, but for all NFL linebackers. Others that fall into this category are Zach Thomas, Junior Seau, Ray Lewis (sort of) and Teddy Bruschi.

Mateen Cleaves | Michigan State Spartans

Todd's only dance move (not including weddings)

Analysis: One of my least favorite college basketball players of all time. I have always felt this way, but my hatred grew after seeing him do the jog-dance after winning the national championship (picture above) on a sprained ankle. Todd embraced Mateen Cleaves, his jersey and his stupid dance. I couldn't find the exact dance, but here is the closest I could find: Basically Mateen Cleaves Dancing. Other jerseys that would fit into this category would be: Kahlid El-Amin, Jason Gardner and Trajan Langdon.


My own worst jersey purchase:

Analysis: No words. I think I still owe my parents $60 for this minor league hockey "must have." This may be worse than any of Todd's jerseys. Just kidding, Kerry Collins.

Jerseys that Todd, surprisingly did not have:
Detlef Schrempf (credit to Jake Vanderk......)
Gary Gaetti
Rex Chapman
Darius Rucker

As always, below is Todd's information for jersey sales and/or pranks.

Here is Todd's contact information:
Address: 5930 Franklin St, Lincoln, NE, 68506
Cell Phone: 402.450.4828
Work Phone: 402.434.6906
Email Address: Togden@downtownlincoln.org

- xoxo Todd Blogden

MVG (Most Valuable Groomsman)

Todd Ogden is a funny, quirky and all around good guy (except a few regrettable incidents, see “Schneider Stare Down”). However, when Todd is a part of a wedding party, he is simply on a whole new comedic realm. Todd’s wedding performances remind me of when Tony Delk scored 53 points in one game. (Todd also owns a Phoenix Suns Tony Delk jersey).

I have had the privilege of being in two weddings with Todd in the last 6 months and he has established himself as the funniest wedding party person, ever.

Examples of the Wedding Jester at work:

• When introducing his mother to Drew Adams and Jason Vismantis, Todd said “I would like to introduce you to my biological mother.”
• This is the first and last joke that I plan on stealing from Todd.



Todd reading a hymnal/posing for a picture.

• About 15 minutes before Tim Culwell became Tim Schwartz, Todd started to hum “Crossroads” by Bone Thugs. The timing was perfect, the entire wedding party was ROFLing and Tim’s nerves were settled. John Campbell made some quote about “not remembering Ogden being this funny.”
• Todd has got to be Ramon and Diana's (Wedding photographers for both weddings) favorite and most photogenic groomsmen. These (photos scattered) are classics. It should be noted that Todd knows every single time a picture is being taken and intentionally makes an absurd face.
• Todd Plugden:http://www.petersphotography.net/



Todd adding his "special" touch to wedding pictures.

• When a testy wedding coordinator made an error when speaking, Todd said “Oh contraire mon frere!” in a very exaggerated, Ogdenish way.
• To another testy wedding coordinator Todd complimented her choice of food by saying “thanks for the swell eateries.” Which makes no sense, but was hilarious.
• Todd becomes the most comical/best dancer at any wedding he is in. I wish I had video evidence, but the picture below is a little window in to Todd’s wedding dance moves.
• Giving Todd a run for his money on the wedding dance floor are the following people:
• Lawrie “I do weddings” Boyd
• Brandon “changes shoes for receptions” Woodhouse
• My mom (dancing to Kanye West for the mother-son dance)
• Mrs. Woodhead – outdid Todd for her mother-son dance with Brandon Woodhouse
• Dave Rich – friend request him and you’ll know why

Todd slow dancing with his fiance.

In closing, I would like to say how much I regret not having Todd in my own wedding. If I had to do it over, Todd would replace Mitchell Gerrard as my best man. Although, Mitch gave a great speech (he cried), is my brother and is the closest person to me, Todd would have been YouTube gold. I would also like to encourage any people (male or female) contemplating marriage to consider Todd for their own wedding party.

Additional Blogden notes

• (Sorry) (about) (my) (over)-(use) (of) (parentheses).
• Todd is good during rehearsal dinners, but saves his best material for the big day.
• Todd is getting married on July 2, 2011. Watch out world.
• Here is Todd’s information for wedding inquiries and/or pranks.
• Todd's contact information:
• Address: 5930 Franklin St, Lincoln, NE, 68506
• Cell Phone: 402.450.4828
• Work Phone: 402.434.6906
• Email Address: Togden@downtownlincoln.org

-xoxo Todd Blogden